My friend and coworker Christina approaches people in a different way than I do. When she talks to people in real life, on Twitter, or on G-chat, she will normally discuss:
1. Their family
2. Their hopes and dreams
3. Their childhoods
4. Their significant others
5. Their past relationships
6. Their pets
7. The professional affiliations of everyone they’ve ever met
8. Their fears
9. What they want to be when they grow up
When I talk to someone, I will normally discuss:
1. Who would win in a fight, Spider-Man or Batman
2. Your zombie escape plan
3. How awesome Stephen Fry is
4. Cake
See the difference?
It would be superficial to say the differences in how we approach relationships are due to one of us being girly and one of us being not-girly. That’s just silly talk. Stina isn’t the most girly girl you’ll ever meet, and I sometimes wear dresses, so there you go.
I just think some people approach new friendships in different ways. Christina, I guess, somehow radiates the ability to listen to your life story without wanting to stab herself. I radiate the ability to talk about kryptonite for a long time.
Sometimes I’m in awe of how much stuff Christina knows about our mutual friends’ lives. I almost never get around to that stuff. I’m too busy being a nerd with them. But I don’t think that’s necessarily a bad thing. I think being a geek, and allowing other people to exist in that geek space where everything is okay and life is pretty fun, is one of the most important things you can offer a person. Sometimes, though, people need to cry. And for that, they have Stina.
That is not to say that I never listen to people’s life stories; it just usually takes me five or six years to get around to it. By that time, we’re best friends, sharing an apartment. And to her credit, Stina will trash talk about football with you if you don’t have any serious Life Issues to lay at her doorstep.
I know a lot of expert-y type people who talk about being open and honest online, about making real connections with people, about deeper communication. That’s cool if you’re built like that. But if someone like me tried to be someone like that, then that in itself would be dishonest and wrong. And then my head would explode.
In closing, if you would like to talk about your ex, Stina’s your gal. If you would like to eat cake, I’m here for you, bro.
Photo CC Lenni! on Flickr.