You're torturing me, can't you see?
“I told you it was over, Apple,” I say, grabbing the licorice out of his hand (because they are crazy delicious). “Why must you keep opening these old wounds?”
“But I’ve changed,” he whines. “I’m different! I’m the way of the future.”
“Yeah, I saw. iPad. Way to open those flood gates.”
“Laugh all you want, but you know you’re intrigued,” he says. And he’s right. Damn him, but he’s right.
“We can’t do this!” I cry, turning away in anguish. “We’re too different. It was fun while it lasted, but you believe in DRM and I’m open source.”
“You say that now, but you and I had something real! When you open up that MacBook Pro, you forget all about Linux and XP; I see it in your eyes,” he pleads.
“Your UI is ridiculously intuitive,” I murmur, vacillating in the hallway (which is luckily cushioned).
“Give me a chance,” he says softly. “Give us a chance.”
“But the Nook has sharing capability, and he would treat me right. A-and my netbook, he’s always taken care of me. Apple, I love you! I admit it, I love you desperately!” I fling myself into his arms. “But it would be folly! You would break my heart once more.”
Darkly, Apple says, “And you’d go running back to your Toshiba, I suppose.”
“I know he’s too old for me, but he’s comforting! Plus his file conversion software is far superior to yours, no offense.”
None of that matters when Apple finally kisses me. As we part, he says, “Give in to your desires. Stand in line for 48 hours for me.”
“No,” I say, tears in my eyes, “you’re just too expensive.”
“But my price point is lower than you imagined!”
“Not if I want 3G!” I scream, pushing him away. “And I do, Apple. I do want 3G. I want all 64 GB. I want all of you to myself, or nothing at all. So please. Go.”
“But–”
“Go,” I whisper, gently pushing him out the door and closing it with a click of finality.
I stand there in silence for a moment, and then I hear Android emerge from the bathroom. “TJ? Was someone at the door?” she calls.
“I told them we didn’t want any,” I lie quickly. My heart is pounding in my chest. The Red Vines are still in my hand.
I dispose of them before Android can see, but Apple’s proposition is still ringing in my ears. I could go wait in that line come springtime; Android would never find out. But will I?
Only time will tell.
Photo CC MarketingFacts on Flickr