Last week I got my very first manicure.
Miss Vera had a piece of advice in her book that I thought made perfect sense: if you want to dress up like a woman, the best investment you can make is in your nails, since you see them all the time. So I dropped into QQ Nails in Chelsea during last week’s snow storm and received a very serviceable $10 file & polish. The quiet lady who did them did not seem to understand me when I said I’d never gotten my nails done before.
“So square or round?” she asked again.
“I’m not sure. Which is better?”
“They’re both fine. Square or round?”
“Well, which do you like?”
She looked at me, then looked at her nails, which were quite stubby and sadly yellowing. Probably from all the weird polish removers and chemicals she has to use all day. She looked quite unimpressed with me.
“Round,” I said.
I learned how to put on eyeliner just last year, so let’s be honest, I am not an expert on being a lady, let alone an expert on dudes who are sometimes ladies. I am trying, I am. It’s quite fun once you get over how expensive being a woman is. But here it is, a full 7 days later and I am still getting pleasure out of seeing my robin’s egg nails every few seconds. It’s a very cheery, spring color at a time when winter is being just a bitch of a hanger-on. So that was $10 well spent, I think.
Now here is a very helpful video from my friend Megan. Jinkx is obviously better at this hyper-feminine stuff than I am, and it’s fascinating to watch her put on her drag. Stay through the tuck, you will not be disappointed.
As far as The Project is going, I had hoped to start writing a draft by March 1 but that date has come and gone. I am paralyzed by decisions: where shall I set this story? New York or a seedy small town in southern Florida? Who is my main character? What does her drag look like? Where does she come from, what does she do when she’s not dressing up and solving mysteries? What’s my mystery, and who perpetrated it and why? This last one is probably the worst, because I am an armchair forensic investigator and I have solved dozens of poorly written crimes on TV fifteen minutes before the final commercial break and now I see how terrible I really am at it.
June 1 is my new goal. Doesn’t that sound sunnier? A June draft. I feel better already.
Tags: being a lady